*I write some pretty long entries. If you actually read them, God bless you.. I dont think I would even spend my time doing so......

Our principal got fired. Its bullshit.

I got my lisence taken away. Thats even bigger bullshit. Court on the 31st.

I've been getting in so much trouble lately. I have to go back to just telling my parents I'm sleeping at someone's house and not come home at all. I never have anywehre to sleep and then I come home all late about it, get caught, and get in trouble.

My dad isn't even in town most of the time anymore.. But he'll call me from Arizona or California or where ever he is just to ask me what I'm doing, where I'm at, and what time I'm coming home. And he has my brother trained too.. Everything I do, my brother goes and calls my dad.
"DAD! CINDY USED YOUR CAR!"
"DAD! CINDY IS OUT AND ITS PAST 11 AND SHES NOT HOME YET!"
"DAD! CINDY DID THIS & THIS & THIS TO ME TODAY!"

It's pretty goddamn annoying.

SO basically, my life consists of school, work, and homework lately. And what do I get out of it? Jack shit. I honestly don't think I need school. Nothing I learn there is gunna do me any good later on in life. Honestly.. who the fuck is ever gunna come up to me and just randomly ask..."So, whats the cosine of 32?  or "Do you know what stage of meiosis crossing over of chromosomes happens in?" WTF. And work. Yeah.. I need to work. I need the money really bad. But.. too bad I feel like I spend more time working than doing anything else, yet I have no money. That sucks too.

My friends all hate me. & I know I say this all the time, and I'm usually just whining about it as a joke.. But I'm totally serious now.
I've lost everyone. EVERYONE.
At the time I need them most.. where the fuck did all of my friends go?

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone.. well, it wasnt even really a conversation.. we only talked for a few minutes. This person is someone I consider to be a good friend of mine; someone I care about a lot. And something they said (it wasnt even that terrible of a thing to say.. Im sure it wasnt intended to be mean or anything).. but it just hit me so hard.. like one giant slap in the face.

I feel like shit. Absolutely terrible about myself.

I'm sure this is all my fault so maybe I should stop my bitching, but I have no idea what to do anymore. I obviously cannot do anything right.. I fuck up everything..

I went to the cemetary yesterday. Finally. I needed to go. Too bad going just depresses me even more. Ehh. I dunno.

I'm worried. Don't ask me about what. ... Just worried in general. About everyone & everything.

TASTE OF CHAOS was flippin amazing.
Me & Lissa got there a lil early and walked around the Pavillion.. I drank about 12 of those free samples of energy drink and bought a shirt.
Funeral for a Friend played first. Their music was good. The crowd wasnt so interested though so we just kinda stood there and watched this band play. Kinda gay. There was like one pit towards the back going though. Which is where Mr. Jacob got his face bashed in. I feel pretty damn terrible. He had to go get stitches at the hospital and missed the whole rest of the show. =[ 
So next was As I Lay Dying. They are really awesome live.. It was insane.
Then came Atreyu.. which, if any of you know me at all, was obviously the highlight of my evening. I love them so much. So.. we got up to the very front, right by the barrier thing and it was really cool, except for the people standing up there. Buncha dousche bags. Some girl was trying to wrestle me for my spot, some guys need to figure out that no matter how much you try humping me, I'm not going to move outta your way, and they were all pretty much just lame people in general. For Atreyu's last song I was like eff these people, and I moved back some, where people were actually involved in some sort of movement. Good stuff. They didn't play the Bon Jovi cover like they did at Warped Tour, which upset me, but they played mostly all of my other favorites, so thats good.
Story of the Year. I've seen Story of the Year live about 87 times and they're always great. We spent almost their whole set running around the entire crowd. I don't like getting sucked into moshes with weird guys. I somehow got pushed to the ground. I dunno how that happened.

SO anyway.. I'm kinda pissed that all the good bands only got to play 30 minute sets.  
Then.. Thrice fucking comes out and plays for what seemed like 4 hours and I was like OOOHHH MYYY GODDDDDDDDD.. wtfffff? I just wanted to stay through Thrice and then listen to a couple of Deftone songs and leave (they were the last band anyway.. and I didnt care too much about seeing them). So I'm waiting for Thrice to finally finish, but they don't.. so we met up with Jake outside cuz he came back from the hospital, and I was like eff it, lets just go. So, no Deftones for me. But I heard enough Thrice to pretty much last me the rest of my life.

There were lots of kids I knew there.

We took some pics, but they're on Lissa's phone. They didn't allow actual cameras into the place. I'll post them after she sends me them.

I've lost basically everything..

I notice all the people I care about drifting away from me really quick lately.

A large percentage of my friends have just decided to stop talking to me, and my family just hates me.

I am actually struggling to keep up my grades for like the first time in my life.

Basically, I feel like absolute shit all the time.

And even though pretty much everyone hates me, I still worry so much for them. I want people to be happy and if there was something I could do to make everything better for them, I really really would. And I'm so sorry.

Everything is changing. I can't stand it. I miss how things were. I miss it so much. Cuz even though life sucked then too, I still had my happy moments. And now I just want to die. What am I supposed to do?

I did really stupid things on Friday night. I'm so angry at myself for them. And that's only the small amount stuff I actually remember or have been told by other people. Who knows what else I did that I don't know about yet, that I have no memory of. GOD! I was doing so well. I made it over one month. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I'm fucking stupid.

**EDIT (Tuesday)**
My parents sold my house today.
I'll be gone in April.
[This could mean either just out of this house, or off of the planet. I don't know yet. I'm personally leaning towards option B]

Don't you love how filled with optimism my blogs always are?

So I'm getting pretty sick of this..

I stay at home, and I cry. I go to school, and I cry. I'm out with my friends, and I cry.
Even last night we were at the Nite Lite... and you know what I did? I sat on the couch and flipping cried.. Why? Don't even ask me why. I don't even know. (Everyone comes up to me and tells me I need to stop being so emo and cheer up. Some guy I dont even know came up and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek as we were leaving and told me to stop being so sad. lol. That was cute.. I like hugs and kisses.)

This is honestly just pissing me off though. WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!?!

I'm really stupid. I'm so fucking stupid.

Everything is all my fault anyway.

I pretty much just deserve to get shot in the face.

I would advise people not to get into cars with me. Cuz I'm pretty sure if me and a Semi truck were about to get into a head on collision or something like that I wouldnt care enough to bother moving.

Speaking of which.. yeahhh.. MY MOM crashed MY CAR today. AS IF MY LIFE WERENT GREAT ENOUGH ALREADY.

I was so excited about this 4 day weekend. And you wanna know something? It blows. Everything blows lately. Why can't I ever fucking be happy?

I hate everyone. I hate everything. I'm so fucking tired of feeling like this.

My parents are so stupid. They dont know anything. They dont care anyway.

I'm sorry for being such an inconvenience to everyone. Excuse me for breathing. I apparently ruin everyones life.

Fuck you.

My weekend:

Friday: After school I had work, then I came home and didn't plan on going out.. but I ended up picking up Monika and going out to Burbank to Edyta's house. We picked up Sam but she left like 20 minutes later, and then we picked up Stefani. We drove past a certain place and saw a certain something that gave us the idea of buying some eggs and causing some trouble. We didn't do with them what we originally intended, cuz I didn't wanna be that big of a bitch.. Anyway.. we had 2 cartons, which we threw at random kids walking down the street, random cars, and eventually Edyta (who is a GENIUS, let me tell you..) decided to throw one on the INSIDE of my car, which ended up going all over the place. Yeah.. that was fun. We met up with Jake later, then picked up Alicia, and went to McDonalds..

Alicia (talking to the guy at McDonalds): GIMME A JUICEBOX!
Guy: *gives her a juicebox* hahah. That was funny.

Saturday: I worked allll day. Later on, it ended up being that Edyta came here, and me her Monika and Chris went to Jake's house for the night. There was about 12 of us. Everyone got drunk. Not me. I sat on the couch and watched. Stupid other stuff happened. Gay. Chris left to drop edyta off without telling me.. I was stranded.. It was 12 o'clock. My mom called about 76 times to yell at me for not being home.. I got grounded. GREAT.

Sunday: work again. After that, came home and did homework. Stayed in. Boring as hell.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. I have no plans. MIEM show = cancelled. Now I can sit at home and think about how I'm all alone while all my other friends are out with their bf/gf. YAY.  

I'm bored. I wanna do something. I figure if I stay in today I can unground myself tomorrow. Yup. Thats how it's gunna go.

LONG WEEKEND COMING UP! I'm excited. I plan on going out. Who wants to let me sleep over at their house?  I should probably just go back to not coming home at all rather than coming home in the middle of the night. I got in less trouble that way.